If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
