i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
