two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
