Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
