Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my poor anus
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
