you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
