I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
