She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
