butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
