So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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