i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
