pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
