she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Couch. On fire.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
