I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this just has baby written all over it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
