This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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