Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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