I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
