i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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