i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
