Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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