I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
