Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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