i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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