how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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