mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
