3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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