Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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