im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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