Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
