ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm really into asian looking animals
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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