Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
