these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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