Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
