She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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