If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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