so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
