I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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