She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
