my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
