that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
