just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
a search helicopter?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
