took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
