If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
