A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Less talking, more tequila
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
