I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
