is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
