I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
please don't ironically join a cult
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