I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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