Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
