I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
