I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
